took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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