and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
