you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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