hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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