Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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