I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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