we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize