A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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