He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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