I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
