Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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