I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
