you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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