yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
