the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
