mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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