maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think i have two assholes
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
