I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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