Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
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Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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