let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
