She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
