Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
