She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
