so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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