Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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