We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
