i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh god it's open bar.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
