apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
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A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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