Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
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You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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