I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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