I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
