Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
ugly people sure do ruin things
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
