You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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