i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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