Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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