woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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