eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
