Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
