Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
