At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
