we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
