working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
