Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
