i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
