I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
