Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
