i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Can I color on your dick again?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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