I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
