Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
