can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
