Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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