I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
