You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
