____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize