but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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