just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
