"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
