Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
