My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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