id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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