his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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