sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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