just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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