You smell like stripper and shame
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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