Nicole vs. Life
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
