actually, I'm a sock model
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
