Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i drank out of a bidet.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
