can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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